God’s Love Language
Dear Friends,
At our Annual Meeting last week, we celebrated all that we accomplished together this past year; and included among the highlights were the baptisms and weddings that brought families and friends in communion with one another after two years of pandemic. Preparing couples and young families for these sacred rites has been among the greatest honors of my ministry.
One of the books that I often recommend to couples preparing for marriage is The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. The gist of the book is that there are five basic ways that people express love: the “love languages.” Although to some degree everybody uses all the languages–words of affirmation, spending quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch–most people have one or two “primary” love languages that they naturally use.
Chapman’s years of counseling experience and background as an anthropologist have shown that when a couple learns to speak each other’s primary love language they greatly enhance their ability to express love and enjoy a solid, affirming relationship. These principles hold true across cultures and are applicable to relationships with one’s children, parents, and even co-workers.
Chapman’s ideas got me wondering if there is a broader application for love languages in the relationships within our community of faith. How might these principles apply in a congregation? Not just for marriage counseling, but in our interactions as clergy, staff, and lay leaders, as ministry teams, and in welcoming guests and newcomers?
And then, I began wondering even more. Is it too much of a stretch to think God possibly has primary love languages, and if so, do we do a good job of speaking it? After all, scripture reminds us that God is relational, and relationships do go two ways.
Just when I was beginning to think I might be pushing this metaphor a bit too far, I read the Old Testament reading for this morning from the prophet Micah, who tells the people that God isn’t so much interested in their burnt offerings and sacrifices, but instead desires that they “do justice, and love kindness, and walk humbly with God.” (Micah 6:8).
And it struck me. Yes, God does have a love language, and it is a language that we have heard and embraced for years at St. John’s through our weekly dismissals, our Community Outreach, and more recently, in our Justice Ministry. As much as we cherish our worship services and rituals (and I think God appreciates them too), God seems a whole lot more interested in “acts service” and “quality time,” at least the way I understand this verse. Of course, Chapman’s five love languages do not exactly parallel the relationship we share with God, but perhaps this is a way of beginning to talk about what it means to love God and one another. What love language do you and I use now, and how might we more fully inhabit the justice, kindness, and humility that God desires from and for us – not only in our words and ideas about love, but in what we do, and how we “walk?” How might we encourage one another to speak God’s language of service and quality time? Perhaps you and I might try our own way of speaking this language in the week to come, and see how it goes.
In Christ,
Amelie
